Why we blame others for our own faults – many a times knowingly?
PASSING ON OUR FAULTS
Accept it or reject it
Is our decision in the end
We humans commit mistakes
Other times intentional
Blemish about it all is
That we just pass blame
On others for our own faults
As though it were our customary pastime
A move bordering on sham
Enacted and played on a routine basis
Thus creating a thin covering
Between reality and falsehood
Which totters our brotherhood
Proving to be a wet blanket
Thus messing up warmth in rapport.
Too often, in our zeal for escaping from adverse repercussion of our deliberate action, many a times, we blame others knowingly. By so doing, we do disservice not to ourselves but also to the person to whom we are insinuating. There are myriads of happenings which transpire in our lives consistently. Sometimes we take those things in our stride but on some, we become so touchy or even hyper that we pass the buck on others unreasonably and unnecessarily and dish out many unpalatable causes for the same.
Tragedy is, we do not accept our faults. We consider ourselves ‘holier than thou’ attitude. Also, who does not commit fault? At one time or other all do but considering others responsible for our own faults, I think is sinful? It has also been seen that even for our own failures we hold others around us responsible! When nothing works, we even hold our luck responsible or say it was destined without realizing our own part played in creating an ugly scenario – like putting our best efforts etc. These people have the tendency of whining or lamenting or conveniently pass on the blame on others rather than doing a course correction ourselves or change our attitude. Accepting mistake is a graceful act rather than putting blame on others for our faults deliberately or otherwise. Other times, we have the feeling of self-victimization, a feeling – why with me only, without realizing that others may have the same sort of emotional upsurge like we are experiencing.
In our family lives too there are some innocuous incidents which are blown out of proportion causing ill-will and disharmony in the family. For example, a spouse forgetting a family anniversary, the other party taking it very seriously, in the process spoiling the atmospheric in the family. These petty incidents could have been forgotten due to any cause – due to our pressing engagements or just skipping from the memory-lane due to any other reason but not intentional yet it is blown out of proportion. These like incidents could result in our relations falling part. This has been observed many a times.
We must have experienced such shade of behavior of putting blame on others anywhere anytime by us in our daily dealings. Yesterday, I observed how the life of a hapless wife could turn to a virtual hell, she was insinuated / accused by somebody else in her neighborhood on a silly pretext. She wanted to clarify her standpoint and bring out what actually transpired. She contacted the concerned neighbor and explained her point of view. This made her own family member including her husband incensed and agitated to such an extent that they abused the poor girl for no fault of hers and even accused her of going against the values of the family! Such is the limit to which some people could go in transferring blame on others, without rhyme or reason. We can imagine the predicament of that unfortunate girl. Just a case of harassment by transferring fault.
Then there are the people who are unable to adapt to the environs where they’ve sought employment. They’ve the similar problem at any place they go, even then they blame others for the predicament, without realizing that fault lies squarely in them. Change according to the need of the hour is a necessity for all of us. Those who do not change just perish or cannot go ahead in their lives in any venture they put their hands on.
We accept it or not, all must have faced adverse situations. How we tackle those situations solely depends on us. It is either you can shift blame or tackle the situation on the spot.
No dispute that everybody commits mistakes or faults but having escapist attitude and not facing music for our faults by transferring blame is no solution at all. In such situation, following course of action is suggested:-
- If something adverse is going on in our family life, just discuss with the person concerned. It may be that a little acceptance or rejection of faults here and there could straighten up a knotty matter. We prestige loss in accepting our faults contrarily, we’ll earn goodwill and create congenial atmosphere in the family.
- If some job adjustment problem is there, it means that that particular job is not suitable for us. There are two courses open for us. Either to change according to the job requirement(s) or leave the job for a more suiting job. Self blaming or blaming others will hardly make difference rather self analysis is the only solution in this sort of a situation.
- If we are unable to adjust in the peer group due to one reason or other, it is paramount to introspect as to why it is happening and resort to appropriate course correction. If even then nothing works, it means we’ve to give a fresh look on our friends’ circle. It should never be forgotten that tolerating beyond a certain limit becomes a cause of turning us a ‘split personality’ / Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) – a mental disorder which we’ve to put up with till our entire life. Why to bring this on us?
- Need of the hour is self realization. When nothing works for us, blame game is not the solution. Why to put ourselves in such a predicament. We’ve to be realistic. If nothing works, we’ve to explore the vast reservoir of inner potential in all of us. Be practical and accept the reality. Whether or not we act thus depends solely on us. If still nothing works, surrender to our CREATOR, who is ever ready to shower His eternal love on us all. Then why this shifting of blame? Tangible results could happen only by accepting our faults and seeking course correction. Then a total belief in Him could make a huge difference in all of us.