ON BEING LIKED BY OTHERS
A deep inside peep-in is a need of the hour
As to why everybody likes my buddy but me not!
Condition for being liked by others
We’ve to first cleanse filth from within ourselves
Outer charm may prove to be hideous many a times
Solely because of our inner repulsiveness, whence mucky
Our good traits engender magnetism
Unpleasant ones create frustrating negativism
One of the mirrors of moodiness
Is our facial expressions
Wrong action causes wicked mental vibrations
Our eyes, too give out what’s cooking in our brain
Our likes should be likes for all others without bias
Which happens when we be aware of pain
Whilst somebody else is writhing in pain
Righteous conduct brings in its wake
Stream of likes, – ‘thumsups’
Hypocrisy in our action brings dislikes –‘ thumsdowns’
Besides a sincere smile could make difference
And change even our adversaries
Into never separating allies
O God, bestow us a magic touch
So that anybody coming into contact with us
With love or even hate for us
May be filled with love so enchanting
Life has different meaning for different people. Some people are born with likable nature. Some people live for themselves caring little what happens to others. They have their own axe to grind. To some life is an empty dream, to others it is pleasure or adventure. Then there are the ones who take comedies and tragedies alike. They live by the percepts of Gita: ‘Do your duty and leave the result to God.’ Fastidious ones are always complaining about anything and everything that come their way. They’ve every comfort but lack the basic taste and pleasure of living a natural life. But for some, life is a serious business – not just a bed of roses but contain thorns too. It goes to show, how we want to live depends solely on us; whether we want to be liked or disliked; choice remains on us only. How best people should like us or dislike us also depends on our behavior towards others.
We actually make our own space for likes or dislikes. We are the authors of our bright and delusive traits. When we sow seeds of goodness, will yield fruits of goodness finally and In the process will annihilate the seeds of bad acts. Even during interactions with others, we can come to know why people like particular person (s) and dislike other(s). In this way, we can adopt those likeable qualities in us, too. For a person to be likeable, that likeableness should emanate from within. Physical appearance and eternal magnetism with it will last till such time we come in contact with that person and interact. Then we know what others are thinking and feeling and that is true reflection of our likeness. Necessary admiration will certainly come when we show likeable traits like simplicity, humbleness, sense of humanity, compassion etc.
In the institute where I work, there is a teacher, having all the requisite qualifications for a good teacher, but woefully lacks basic traits of adjustment and hence bereft of any likeability by the students and staff with whom he has to interact. Wheresoever this fellow goes he leaves a trail of unpleasant vibrations. He fails to learn from his mistakes. There is another teacher just antithesis of this fellow, who though is having less experience in teaching yet knows how to conduct himself. He has a magnetic personality; cheerful, adjusting/flexible, optimistic, having quality of letting go, always accepts his mistakes and makes amends when required, compassionate in nature, and top it all, goes all out that his students follow correct and wholesome path not only in studies but also in real world. In other words, he is totally married to his profession and this marriage is going on wonderfully. When a stranger asked him about his profession he
jokingly replied: his parents admitted him in the school in his childhood and he still is there even in his oldage still schooling! Who will not like such pure soul.
In Bhagwad Gita it has been said – We ourselves are our own friend and also our own enemies. We collect a huge reserve of karmic credit when we attain victory over our senses with proper and reasonable understanding. A person becomes his own friend when he knows where his need karma ends and greed karma starts. Such person is the master of his karma and the one who does not have sense control and pursues his greed karma without understanding, is his own enemy. This sort of individual is not liked by others. We should not do anything which may taint our mind. If we do something evil, it causes negative vibrations which are reflected on our face. How such a person could be liked by others?
OUR CONDUCT AND SELF CONTROL
How we conduct ourselves, determines what respect we get from others. When we have cultivated inner beauty then outer appearance could pale into insignificance. We should therefore, look after our body and appearance in a reasonable manner; not overdoing it. It is important how much we nurture our mind and our behavior by which we shall be like or disliked by others. Conciliatory words win friends for us and provocative words enemies.
SINCERITY IN OUR SPEECH AND ACTION
Sincerity is the trait of our soul which our Lord has bestowed in us. The sincerity in our daily behavior is reflected in our speech and action. We have to be humble and exhibit our calmness although we may have immense inner strength. We must have experience of interacting or doing business with some people who overwhelm us with their strong nature. Our sincerity is like a magnet which attracts even those who do not initially agree with our viewpoints but later on when interacting with us may agree with us taking into consideration the sincerity in our behavior.
CONSIDERATION FOR OTHERS
The people who have the quality of welfare of others in their heart. These sorts of people are intuitively aware of the requirements of others and try fulfilling them as best as he can. They would like to do something for others – even investing their time and energy besides their money, if required. We should thus practice consideration both in our speech and action. While we are tempted to speak louder and harshly just consider its implications and then modulate the speech accordingly. Kindness and benevolent consideration pay even in any situation or even with a rogue. Even animals understand the language of compassion and understanding. Those who live for others live a life full of joy. When we meet others needs, God will ‘pay back’ to us even more than what we have parted with.
ACCEPTING THE WILL OF GOD
Those who live God directed life, accept with equanimity with calmness. If somebody misbehaves, ‘let go’ should be our motto rather than reacting in the same manner. This will win us friends ultimately.
When we are able to render help to others in the way we can, it means God has graced us for doing so. When doing so, we should not be showy at all. Our left hand should not know what our right hand is doing. It should always be remembered, when we live for others and do what is possible for us then God would be more benevolent to us. Alternatively, if we are selfish, only interested for ourselves only then why others should be interested in us. No one would care for us then.
IDENTIFYING WITH THE SOUL
We ought to identify ourselves with soul and not with body. Identifying with body means seeking things of temporary value, which end as body dies. Soul can put on any dress; divine traits, humbleness, strong will righteousness; we can change it any time we want. Thus rather than wanting something impermanent, we should aspire for higher values. One who lives a soul oriented life, lives a simple/sublime life – just thanking Bhagwanji for every bounties.
LESS EXPECTATIONS FROM OTHERS
Most of our problems with other arise simply because of our expectations from others. It may be from our spouse, from our friends or relations and when those expectations are not met, we become disenchanted. A feeling of disinterest comes in us. This feeling brings in its wake non-cooperation and breakdown of bond of friendship/relationship. Cultivating the habits of expecting less but giving more will bring us more by way of friends and likings from others.
Following should be kept in mind if we want to be liked by others:-
Wisdom in the percept : ‘Treat others in the same way that you would want them to treat you’ should be followed. Following this, we shall do no harm to others and we shall also be rewarded with liking by others when we do not ill treat others.
• If our answer to others’ provocations is answered with our silence then there would not be any further chain of provocations hence realization from the provocateurs.
- When our expectations are not met we tend to be angry and thus dislike for the person concerned. Too much of expectations are therefore not called for.Dig in our inner self to annihilate our enemies like lust, anger, greed, allurements which attach us with our body or with material possessions etc are the delusions which remain haunting us and keep us away from our real self and are also the cause of our discord with others.
• When nothing works despite sincere efforts and still nobody like us then we should not get disheartened because God is there to render us help without expectations
Conclusively, if we want that people should like us, we should first of all change our outlook on life. We should practice being good to others, live a humble life, be empathetic, perfecting sincerity and feeling others’ pain when needed and finally keep in mind where our need based karma starts and greed based karma starts. We should be like a beautiful flower which spreads its fragrance without any discrimination.