MY ANGER AND ME
The castle of my character
Built brick by brick over a period of time
Sometimes support of brick in the form of tolerance
And another times in the form of enough patience
Cemented diligently with ample dose of compassion
Falls like a pile of ninepins without indication of any caution
When I fall prey to unwelcomed aggravation
Due to sudden burst of unwarranted provocation
Coming from a dear one – with least expectation
Bringing in its wake uncalled for tension
No escape route could be fathomed on the spur
Defense mechanism wilts under severe pressure
All efforts to control rage razes to ground
Of all things, puzzling indeed
Whence all these weapons just fizzle out
And become futile defenses
Of little consequence
I follow a path most uncharitable – regrettably
A path which has tarnished my image in my own eyes presently
Under the influence of anger, so unpleasant
Which brings to the ground my strong castle of myself
Built brick by brick over a period of time
But crashes down just in a moment
Thus washing off everything created over time
I lament this split second anomaly spiteful
Wish that I could rewind and relive that moment again
And make a conscious effort not to lose myself from now onwards
And rewrite the history of losing myself in the bargain
Wish that I should have erected firewalls and safety cushions
More impregnable than done therein fore
When a most sincere conscious effort could have made difference
By the grace of Providence.
ON ANGER AND ITS CONSEQUENCES
In Granth Sahib it has been mentioned: Violence, attachment, greed and anger are like four rivers of fire. Falling into them, one is burned, O Nanak! One is saved only by holding tight to good deeds.
Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil – says Holy Bible
And those who restrain (their) anger and pardon men. And Allah loves the doers of good (to others). And those who, when they commit an indecency or wrong their souls, remember Allah and ask forgiveness for their sins. And who forgives sins but Allah? And they persist not knowingly in what they do.” Says Holy Quran
There are three gates leading to this hell–lust, anger and greed. Every sane man should give these up, for they lead to the degradation of the soul. Says Bhagwat Gita
Our own behaviour and the selection of words we use are responsible for making us angry or otherwise. Sweet tongue converts our sworn enemies into friends. We lose our temper simply because of our inner conflicts and contradictions owing to which we cannot fight the outer influences. Seemingly, we are not consciously ready to face our inner contradictions. Nobody can make us angry till such time we willfully succumb to somebody’s crafty designs because of insufficient inner resolve to remain cool despite provocation. Our inner defense is responsible for protecting us from fighting inner conflicts, outer unpredictable dangers or sudden outbursts. It has been observed that if somebody pierces our two peace-weapons; patience and tolerance coupled with our intelligence in management of our emotions then nobody in the world can protect us. Hence, we are responsible for being angry on smallest provocation and nobody is responsible for it.
It should never be forgotten that the two weapons (Patience and Tolerance) are acquired through a lot of sincere efforts over a period of time. Need is to nurture these and not let our defenses weaken these. The extent we can put up our defenses or manage our passions depends on the endurance and dependency of these two weapons. These weapons are sliced open if the limit goes beyond our perceived idea of defenses. For example if somebody adopts different unethical strategies to test our two weapons, the best way is to keep calm and not to fall prey to others’ tactics.
Suppose somebody wants to lower your self esteem and insinuates you with a single point agenda of making you lose your temper that too in front of others. Then what is the way left with you? Two scenarios are possible; either you fall prey to others’ antics or you may intelligently weigh pros and cons of it all and reach to a conclusive results – not to fall prey to somebody’s stratagem or design. Best way forward is to keep calm despite huge provocation. This would also be a huge slap on the face of ill-intentioned perpetrator.
There happened an unsavory and unfortunate incident – misrepresentation of facts. There is a family near my home. One day, a lady knocked my door. She wanted to have a bucket of water as there was no water supply to her home that day. On that day, my family had gone to our relative for an important commitment. I gave her a bucket of water. Next morning, when I woke up, I saw some ladies outside my gate. They were asking the lady as to why she had gone to my house when his (mine) family was not there. I did not take it seriously since my conscious was clear and pure. On the other hand if I could have taken critically, I would have fallen prey to anger and created problem not only for myself but also the lady concerned. Lesson from this episode: When one has no evil designs against others, he/she need not fear from anything or anybody.
Emotional intelligence too plays its role in controlling anger when required. When to control our emotional upsurge and when to be swayed by it depends on the person concerned. It should always be remembered that one who makes us angry in one way or another controls us wholly hence we should always adopt cautious approach while dealing with such people and emotional maturity plays a stellar role in this.
We know what happened to Demon King Ravana who despite being knowledgeable, anger made him infamy and embodiment of evil. So much so he got enraged on seeing Sarupnakha’s (his sister) nose cut by Lakshmana (brother of Rama) in a fit of rage that he was provoked to unethical act of abducting Sita Maa which resulted in death and destruction; as you may be aware what happened in Mahabharta epic.
Anger is upsurge of negative emotions or disgust against somebody’s inappropriate behavior which comes about if somebody has harmed us. When somebody harms us, we in turn, want others to be given in the same coin. Anger is a caustic emotion which can adversely affect our health and wellbeing. Indulging in anger is not only bad for the perpetrator but also for whom it is directed. Anger is acting like a child who is not able to control his anger. We get angry simply because we cannot control our emotions. It starts with just on silly pretext and then snowballs into bad things in our life and subsequently becomes a habit.
Some may say, sometimes anger is necessitated to proactively direct our emotional tendencies to a productive use but I opine anger is a negative trait which should not be resorted to in any way since it impacts our instincts besides impacting our spiritual forward march. Also, we show our anger to the children so that they follow correct path in their lives and hence do not derail from the path of truth and wellbeing.
We get hurt by anger of someone when it is directed on us when we are unethically and unnecessary poke in others affairs.
Some of the facts about anger:
- When somebody unnecessarily pokes into our affairs – our exclusive zone. It creates resentment and illwill and at times may lead to hostile action and violence.
- A child may grow up to be a angry young man. We’ve to tell our children to control our anger.
- Voters’ demonstrate their anger against politicians for non-performance.
- Nobody likes a person who has anger writ on his face.
- Angry man, more often than not, needs our pity not our anger in return.
- Impulsively angry man. Intense emotional response on anything and everything; provocation or no provocation hardly matters for him. Here personal liaison and boundaries are violated. Such persons cannot earn friendship and cooperation in any endeavors.
- Intrinsic value of anger. Some may say, there are inherent values of anger but I dispute all these and say that ‘anger’ should be controlled in all its entirety. It is harmful to our body, mind and soul thus concerted efforts should be made to control it or not to be allowed to take control over us.