Do you think..your family would agree with all you are doing? (As asked by somebody).
Best Answer: There are times when our family members would agree with all that we are doing and at other times they may not agree what we do or do not do. If I am doing anything which goes against the very principles of our family culture and traditions, no family member would agree with my viewpoints. Secondly, if we do anything which tarnishes the well established image of our family; for instance if we resort to any crime or commit any sin which put all other members in disrepute then our family member will not like us for the anti social activities resorted to by us. Thirdly, if we have sufficient finance as individuals and do not come to the succor of our family when it is immensely required then our family will not like it. Fourthly, when our family wants us to follow certain course of action and we do something contrary to the well established norms then also our family members will not like it.
Be that as it may, it is the family which provides us assistance when we are children and it is family which comes to our assistance when we want to come out of the emergent situation, therefore, we have to think and act to safeguard the honour of our family when crunch time comes. All will agree when we are doing everything as per the greater good of the family it is liked by every member of the family. Therefore, it is possible that our family may agree with us or sometimes disagree with us but we have to accept the reality and agree to explore a common meeting ground for overall well-being of the family.*
*It is a axiomatic that our intention should be to keep everybody in the family happy. For that to happen, the following points should be kept in mind:-
- Doing everything in accordance with the interests of the family as a unit. Family is a sacred institution in which different responsibilities are assigned and performed by different members of the family according to their capabilities or capacities. There is unwritten law which pervades that all members have to take look after the total well-being of the family to ensure that nothing is done which may go against the grain of family’s well-being or may tarnish the image of the family in general. In other words, it could be said that although there is no codified rule which governs the family way of living but whatever duty is assigned by the elder in the family is taken with a pinch of salt and obeyed partly as a mark of respect and partly for ensuring that job assigned is done without let or hindrance and nobody can brazen it out-. .
- Differences, if any, are sorted out with mutual agreement. At times, when there arises some difference of opinion or an unseemly act, these should be sorted out with mutual consent but with a notion that the authority of the elder in the family is respected and maintained and not diluted so that their writ runs large in the family hierarchy. .Sometimes when matters go off the tangent then complete family sitting should take place and every members’ opinion is taken on the contentious issue and matter sorted out without wastage of time. If an issue remains simmering for quite sometimes then it may snowball into a huge controversy and may entail loss of face or prove counter-productive to the overall interests of the family in general.
- Sometimes compromises are made for the sake of saving relationships. Experience tells us that at times members of the family have to compromise and cooperate on certain matters for saving the honour of the family. For this, even self esteem could be at stake but family honour has to be given priority. Here, I do iterate that I do not subscribe to the idea of honour killing for settling scores – which is below civility.
- At times, if one member of the family disagree with others matters come to the head. The elders in the family should see that the differences in the family do not cross the limit of decency. If still things fail to quell, then everybody’s opinion should be taken for sorting out differences so that contentious points could be sorted out once and for all.
- When is the time to divide the family. At times, it has been found that differences spin out of control, when all out efforts make no difference to sort things out, then only option is to family division based purely on give and take basis as how long the quibbling could be allowed to take toll in the family and spoil the atmospheric in the family. In this sort of a contingency, it is better that elder member of the family may help division in the family by dividing the assets; ensuring that everybody in the family gets his/her share.
- Safeguards to the members who are aged and infirm. There are the members who earn and those who are not meaningfully employed also including those who are aged and infirm are taken care under the umbrella of family.
- Division of family assets / properties but not the elders in the family. If there arises a situation when the division of family is the only solution then in this sort of a scenario, the interests of olds and infirm including non-earning members in the family should not be ignored. Also, old parents, who see everybody in the family with love and affection should feel free to go to anybody in the divided family; i.e. no restriction should be imposed on them in their oldage.
Over and above what is mentioned above, the following should be taken care of:-
- All should have union of unclear families during some important days like annual gathering for respecting family deity.
- Celebrate all the birthdays/marriage anniversaries etc together to keep the unity and integrity intact.
- Differences, if any, should be sorted out within shortest timeframe to bridge the gap so that the gap may not widen to disproportionate proportions which is difficult to fill.
- As family is the institution from where our development starts, we should always respect all its norms when we grow up and become independent financially.
- We should never forget our roots. One who forgets its roots is a turncoat of highest order.
- Sometimes we have to compromise but it is not because of our weakness but we’ve to check our ego and move on. Also, many a times, we have to remain quite after we come to know about a controversial happenings, which if reignited may will create still more fissures in the family. Remaining silent in these is the most sagacious for overall health and well-being of the family.
Harbans 2 days ago