IS MARRIAGE A HEAVEN OR HELL & TYPES OF MARRIAGES? (AS ASKED BY SOMEONE)

IS MARRIAGE A HEAVEN OR HELL & TYPES OF MARRIAGES? (AS ASKED BY SOMEONE)

First of all, we have to understand marriage as a civilized institution for procreation and for meeting our basic needs which we otherwise cannot meet alone. It is based on the sacred vows between two adults (male and female), the ceremony of which is witnessed by relatives and friends. Before a marriage proposal gets final nod, various inquiries are undertaken so that there may not be any problem afterward. Seemingly, there is no compulsion. If a particular person is not liked or if some irritants exist, then that marriage proposal could be shelved. 

The marriage, if considered a meeting of two souls, having respect for each other is not a hell but a heaven where two individual lives as husband and wife as a nuclear family or with their parents and other close relatives, sharing their earnings and caring each other. I am of the opinion that the husband and wife can make their home a place to live, a place one aspires to come back for love and affection. To share love and affection with each other with a sentiment that there is somebody to take care of us when the need arises. This way, it could be construed that it depends on the husband and wife to make their marriage heaven or hell. If adjustment and compatibility prevail, it is heaven and if not then it is hell. Thus, it is our own free-will what we want it to be made – heaven or hell, is not it?

MARRIAGE OF CONVENIENCE

Marriage when entered with a purpose to enhance somebody’s social standings or for family advantage or for personal gains, for increasing the social acceptability and political leverage. Here love does not exist. It is a marriage either for the fulfillment of sexual urges or for enhancing the economic status. This marriage has no solid foundation to last for a long time. It is, I think a business or commercial leanings and lasts till the ulterior fulfillment of the parties concerned and then crashes like the house of cards.

LOVE MARRIAGE

There are marriages which are performed when boy and girl meet each other, fall in love and finally inform their respective parents for putting a stamp of their consent or acceptability. Or sometimes, when their parents do not agree, then, they go forward and marry without heeding the advice of their parents. This could be in inter-religious marriages or inter-caste marriage or a marriage with different social and economic backgrounds. These types of marriages succeed if the couples have understanding or compatibility with each other and respect each others’ viewpoints. Not that there would not any differences of opinion in any types of marriages, but how best these differences could be solved is the moot point.

LOVE AFTER MARRIAGE

Then there are marriages which are transacted after these are fixed by the parents based on some proposals by the marriage bureaus or some friends and well-wishers. Or this may be through the intervention of some known middleman or somebody from the relations who proposes the suitable bride or groom. After everything is sorted out, there would be meeting between the bride and groom their opinions sought finally. In rural areas, this sort of marriages is common. Love sprouts after it is finally conducted and subsequently lasts for life itself. I have seen these marriages fructifying and being successful. Here there are fewer expectations. Each is responsible for his/her part of duties and everything gets streamlines as desired. I also did the arranged marriage and it has weathered all types of storms for more than 41 years with compatibility and adaptability as the two principles on which it stands.

MARRIAGES ARE SUCCESSFUL IF THERE ARE fewer EXPECTATIONS

When expectations are less, then compassion and empathy for each other result. Each one wants to chip in for the fulfillment of each other’s needs. The difference, if there are, are sorted out amicably by forgetting and forgiving. If a decision has to take which impinges on the advancement of the family, it is taken with mutual consent – taking into account the pros and cons. This sort of marriage is not a burden or nobody can tell it to be ‘marriage as hell’ but an institution which is need of the society for procreation and meeting all the needs – biological and otherwise.

Conclusively, it could be said that it depends solely on us if we want to make the marriage as an institution a successful (a virtual heaven) with our own good deeds or a virtual hell by our misdemeanors. The choice is ours.

Marriages to be successful, following things to be kept in mind:-

  • The compassion and understanding for each other.
  • Forgetting and forgiving each others’ faults.
  • Bury the hatchet or settle the differences as and when these arise and do not let them fester.
  • Never ever keep ill-will for another spouse.
  • Solve the problem of the offspring by mutual understanding.
  • Both the spouses should have respect for each other.
  • The past events (good or bad) should not adversely affect our present life.
  • Never pay lip-sympathy to each other but total sympathy to each other every time.
  • It has rightly been said that where silence works anger spoils. Sometimes, there are occasions when we get angry on a small pretext, it should be avoided; and it should be kept in mind, where the silence could have worked, the anger messes-up relationships.
  • It should always be remembered that egocentric tendencies are responsible for splits between the couples in most of the cases. These tendencies if greased beyond a limit, it leads to the creation of differences leading to divorces. Need is to understand each other and be flexible in solving those differences which have crept while living under the same roof.
  • Go an extra mile in cementing relations – these could break easily but cement with a lot of efforts.

MARRIAGE AS AN INSTITUTION

Marriage is not merely the twosome’s wedding,

But of two souls together uniting,

The wedding also is meeting a social obligation of inviting,

The nears and dears for a formal gathering,

To put a solid stamp on the society certifying,

The sacred merging,

Of two individuals with differing,

Perception and traits unifying,

For a purposeful cause of continuing

Our race to flourish.

With two hearts blending,

Their emotional linkages,

For together thriving,

This way accordingly agreeing,

To provide space for an amicable living,

With each other and for each other – respecting,

And agreeing to assuage each other emotions

With mutual respect for each other,

And not let others put spokes in their bandings,

By solving their differences through peacefully discussing,

The problem that may be entailing,

On the basis of some giving and  some taking,

Repulsing every attack on their privacy by unsolicited elements who may be coming,

With ill-designs,

Trying breaking their ill-conceived notions,

Thus keeping the threat of breaking at bay with full determination.

Thus the couple cements their faith,

In each other without any failing,

And throw out the trust deficit,

Which may creep up ever  in their midst,

For a peaceful and congenial living,

Under the same roof for a purposeful and healthy existence,

My sincere prayer to my Mother Divine,

Oh! The Holy Mother of all,

Bestow, till eternity, Thy bountiful blessings,

On the couple united in the marriage bonding,

So that there is none in the world to undo,

What My Mother Divine hath done,

By uniting these twosomes,

By a sacred and unbreakable thread,

A bond of trustworthy faith,

A bond of eternal friendship

Which could be broken with even a small dose of ego,

Where a little bit of patience could work wonders.

 

 

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15 thoughts on “IS MARRIAGE A HEAVEN OR HELL & TYPES OF MARRIAGES? (AS ASKED BY SOMEONE)

  1. Although marriages are made in heaven but solemnized on earth yet for the marriages to be successful, we have to the sincere effort so that it succeeds despite some hiccups here and there.

    Please appraise the write-up and offer your kind comments. I love your comments and especially so on this blog,,

  2. You have dealt well with a most difficult subject. Here, we now have a society where about 50% of marriages end in divorce. Your mutual respect point is sometimes lacking, especially when, rather than accept people as they are, efforts are made to change them. I personally think the love marriage is favourite, but we don’t always remember that passionate love must mellow with time.

    1. Derrick sir, I express my gratitude for appraising the write-up. I am of the firm opinion society may be any, we are the humans first and then segregated in different societies. The most gnawing reason for differences between the coulp[les are:

      (a) Our egocentric tendencies. If we become flexible in our attitude most of our problems could be solved by mutual understanding on the principles of give and take.

      (b) Then there are problems arising out of financial stringency – sometimes. There are the people who make an adjustment but there are the ones who cannot limit their expenses according to the financial position.

      (c) Respect for each other.The earning member thinks himself/herself moe-than-equal, therefore, the differences.

      (d)Lack of compatibility.

      Reasons could be any but a little understanding and not allow the problems to linger on could make difference in the lives of couples and avoid splits.

      With regards,

      HARBANS

  3. Dear Harbans

    I consider marriage as a karmic reaction – when couple used to be together, evern in former lives, they created good and bad things between them – so there are debts open that needs to balanced. God’s law (the karmic law) brings them together again, so that they have a chance to balance their debts. By the ways, the same law is also applicable with whom you come together (brother, sister, friend and enemy or those persons who have not a deep link with). In this case marriages can be like a roller-coaster, up and down – but the true meaning of a marriage is to help each other on the path back to God, to our real home. This is often forgotten nowadays and “love” has become a business in many cases or a motive of lust, ego, attachment, possession…

    Have a great weekend
    Didi

    1. Didi Sir,

      My gratitude for your most potent reason for splits in the marriage between the couples nowadays or ever. It is an axiomatic fact that we are bound by the knots of former karmic debts and credits. In order to square these, we are constrained to get together and it goes on till a balance is established.

      I reasonableness in divorces bears the stamp of intrinsical orientation and I thank you for enlightening me for the same.

      With warm regards,

      HARBANS

  4. Thank you for this honest post! You’re so right that reasonable expectations are necessary for a happy marriage. Your post made me think of 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 which says, “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous. It does not brag, does not get puffed up, does not behave indecently, does not look for its own interests, does not become provoked. It does not keep account of the injury. It does not rejoice over unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails…” Making sure to be forgiving, a good listener, and reasonable can go a long way towards building a happy marriage.

    1. My sincerest thanks for appraising the write-up and giving your invaluable commentary. You see, all that is given in your quote is most relevant for a successful marriage. Marriage is the union of two souls and thus a sacred relationship. For its success, it is paramount that all the factors are respected which make it successful.

      With regards

      HARBANS

  5. My dad always told me there are 3 rings to a marriage: the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.
    I have learned to take the good and the bad in my marriage.

    1. Thanks sharing your dad’s assertion – wisdom filled words indeed. Those who learn lesson from the daily experiences enjoy the married life and those who react on a little difference between he couples suffer.

      Regards

      HARBANS

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