IS MARRIAGE A HEAVEN OR HELL & TYPES OF MARRIAGES? (AS ASKED BY SOMEONE)
First of all, we have to understand marriage as a civilized institution for procreation and for meeting our basic needs which we otherwise cannot meet alone. It is based on the sacred vows between two adults (male and female), the ceremony of which is witnessed by relatives and friends. Before a marriage proposal gets final nod, various inquiries are undertaken so that there may not be any problem afterward. Seemingly, there is no compulsion. If a particular person is not liked or if some irritants exist, then that marriage proposal could be shelved.
The marriage, if considered a meeting of two souls, having respect for each other is not a hell but a heaven where two individual lives as husband and wife as a nuclear family or with their parents and other close relatives, sharing their earnings and caring each other. I am of the opinion that the husband and wife can make their home a place to live, a place one aspires to come back for love and affection. To share love and affection with each other with a sentiment that there is somebody to take care of us when the need arises. This way, it could be construed that it depends on the husband and wife to make their marriage heaven or hell. If adjustment and compatibility prevail, it is heaven and if not then it is hell. Thus, it is our own free-will what we want it to be made – heaven or hell, is not it?
MARRIAGE OF CONVENIENCE
Marriage when entered with a purpose to enhance somebody’s social standings or for family advantage or for personal gains, for increasing the social acceptability and political leverage. Here love does not exist. It is a marriage either for the fulfillment of sexual urges or for enhancing the economic status. This marriage has no solid foundation to last for a long time. It is, I think a business or commercial leanings and lasts till the ulterior fulfillment of the parties concerned and then crashes like the house of cards.
There are marriages which are performed when boy and girl meet each other, fall in love and finally inform their respective parents for putting a stamp of their consent or acceptability. Or sometimes, when their parents do not agree, then, they go forward and marry without heeding the advice of their parents. This could be in inter-religious marriages or inter-caste marriage or a marriage with different social and economic backgrounds. These types of marriages succeed if the couples have understanding or compatibility with each other and respect each others’ viewpoints. Not that there would not any differences of opinion in any types of marriages, but how best these differences could be solved is the moot point.
LOVE AFTER MARRIAGE
Then there are marriages which are transacted after these are fixed by the parents based on some proposals by the marriage bureaus or some friends and well-wishers. Or this may be through the intervention of some known middleman or somebody from the relations who proposes the suitable bride or groom. After everything is sorted out, there would be meeting between the bride and groom their opinions sought finally. In rural areas, this sort of marriages is common. Love sprouts after it is finally conducted and subsequently lasts for life itself. I have seen these marriages fructifying and being successful. Here there are fewer expectations. Each is responsible for his/her part of duties and everything gets streamlines as desired. I also did the arranged marriage and it has weathered all types of storms for more than 41 years with compatibility and adaptability as the two principles on which it stands.
MARRIAGES ARE SUCCESSFUL IF THERE ARE fewer EXPECTATIONS
When expectations are less, then compassion and empathy for each other result. Each one wants to chip in for the fulfillment of each other’s needs. The difference, if there are, are sorted out amicably by forgetting and forgiving. If a decision has to take which impinges on the advancement of the family, it is taken with mutual consent – taking into account the pros and cons. This sort of marriage is not a burden or nobody can tell it to be ‘marriage as hell’ but an institution which is need of the society for procreation and meeting all the needs – biological and otherwise.
Conclusively, it could be said that it depends solely on us if we want to make the marriage as an institution a successful (a virtual heaven) with our own good deeds or a virtual hell by our misdemeanors. The choice is ours.
Marriages to be successful, following things to be kept in mind:-
- The compassion and understanding for each other.
- Forgetting and forgiving each others’ faults.
- Bury the hatchet or settle the differences as and when these arise and do not let them fester.
- Never ever keep ill-will for another spouse.
- Solve the problem of the offspring by mutual understanding.
- Both the spouses should have respect for each other.
- The past events (good or bad) should not adversely affect our present life.
- Never pay lip-sympathy to each other but total sympathy to each other every time.
- It has rightly been said that where silence works anger spoils. Sometimes, there are occasions when we get angry on a small pretext, it should be avoided; and it should be kept in mind, where the silence could have worked, the anger messes-up relationships.
- It should always be remembered that egocentric tendencies are responsible for splits between the couples in most of the cases. These tendencies if greased beyond a limit, it leads to the creation of differences leading to divorces. Need is to understand each other and be flexible in solving those differences which have crept while living under the same roof.
- Go an extra mile in cementing relations – these could break easily but cement with a lot of efforts.
MARRIAGE AS AN INSTITUTION
Marriage is not merely the twosome’s wedding,
But of two souls together uniting,
The wedding also is meeting a social obligation of inviting,
The nears and dears for a formal gathering,
To put a solid stamp on the society certifying,
The sacred merging,
Of two individuals with differing,
Perception and traits unifying,
For a purposeful cause of continuing
Our race to flourish.
With two hearts blending,
Their emotional linkages,
For together thriving,
This way accordingly agreeing,
To provide space for an amicable living,
With each other and for each other – respecting,
And agreeing to assuage each other emotions
With mutual respect for each other,
And not let others put spokes in their bandings,
By solving their differences through peacefully discussing,
The problem that may be entailing,
On the basis of some giving and some taking,
Repulsing every attack on their privacy by unsolicited elements who may be coming,
Trying breaking their ill-conceived notions,
Thus keeping the threat of breaking at bay with full determination.
Thus the couple cements their faith,
In each other without any failing,
And throw out the trust deficit,
Which may creep up ever in their midst,
For a peaceful and congenial living,
Under the same roof for a purposeful and healthy existence,
My sincere prayer to my Mother Divine,
Oh! The Holy Mother of all,
Bestow, till eternity, Thy bountiful blessings,
On the couple united in the marriage bonding,
So that there is none in the world to undo,
What My Mother Divine hath done,
By uniting these twosomes,
By a sacred and unbreakable thread,
A bond of trustworthy faith,
A bond of eternal friendship
Which could be broken with even a small dose of ego,
Where a little bit of patience could work wonders.